Pete's Expert Summary
My human has presented me with yet another plastic contraption from a brand called Hasbro, which seems to specialize in noisy, multi-piece distractions. This one, "Battleship," appears to be a simulation of naval ineptitude for two participants. They sit opposite each other behind ridiculous blue plastic screens and shout letter-number combinations, trying to guess the location of little gray ships. From a feline standpoint, its primary function is clearly not the game itself, which seems dreadfully boring and involves zero chasing. Its true value lies in the dozens of tiny red and white pegs—exquisite, perfectly-sized morsels for batting into the dark nether-regions beneath the furniture, ensuring my human gets some much-needed exercise on their hands and knees later. A potential source of quality chaos, but the game itself is a waste of perfectly good air.
Key Features
- A CHILDHOOD FAVORITE: The classic game of naval combat! Fun for the whole family, this Battleship board game is an exciting strategy game for kids, teens, and adults
- HUNT, HIT, SINK, WIN: Enjoy head-to-head naval battles! This easy to learn 2 player game is the ultimate search-and-destroy mission: call a shot and fire. Sink all of an opponent's ships to win
- 2 PORTABLE BATTLE CASES WITH STORAGE: Convenient and easy to take on the go, this edition makes a great travel game for kids. All the ships and pegs store neatly in the cases
- OPTION FOR ADVANCED PLAY: This fun family game for kids comes with a Salvo feature that lets advanced players launch multiple attacks
- FAMILY GAMES FOR KIDS AND ADULTS: Looking for fun family board games or travel games for kids and adults? The Battleship game is a great choice for Family Game Night, rainy days, and vacations
- GREAT GIFTS FOR KIDS: Strategy board games and classic games make excellent gifts for boys, girls, and kids ages 7+
A Tale from Pete the Cat
The two humans—my primary staff member and the one who smells faintly of another, lesser cat—unfolded the blue plastic monoliths on the low table in the living room. They sat with a peculiar, focused silence, arranging their fleets of miniature gray vessels on a gridded sea. I watched from the arm of the sofa, a gray shadow judging their strange ritual. They were like two opposing lighthouses, beaming useless signals of "B-5" and "H-9" across a vast, uninteresting ocean of plastic. I felt a yawn stretch my jaw. War, it seemed, was terribly dull. My boredom, however, gave way to a dawning sense of purpose. I was not a mere observer of this conflict. I was the environment. The unpredictable, untamable force of nature they had so arrogantly ignored. I descended from my perch with the silent grace of a fog bank rolling in. They were so absorbed in their clicking and pegging, they did not notice the great, furry leviathan rising from the depths of the shag carpet. My whiskers twitched, testing the air. My tail gave a slow, ominous sweep, a tidal warning. One of them declared, "You sunk my battleship!" The triumphant cry was my cue. I placed a single, heavy, white-tipped paw onto the edge of the board. The plastic sea buckled. A frigate capsized. My human murmured, "Oh, Pete, be careful," but they misunderstood. This was not carelessness; it was a demonstration. I was the Kraken. I leaned in, my face a furry moon blotting out the overhead light, and nudged the aircraft carrier with my nose. It slid across three grid squares and collided with a destroyer. A chain reaction of naval chaos, all orchestrated by a single, bored deity. They sighed, abandoning their pointless war to scoop up the scattered ships and rescue the pegs I had already begun to "relocate" to more strategic positions under the radiator. They packed the game away, believing it to be over. They were wrong. The game itself is a failure, a tedious exercise in organized guessing. But as a theater for my own dramatic reenactments of creature features? As a source of perfectly skittery little pegs that will be discovered in dusty corners for months to come? For that, it has earned my temporary, and highly conditional, approval. The humans may have lost, but I had won spectacularly.
