Multi-Level Cedar Fortress Threatens Up to Thirteen Invaders

The construction took days, a noisy, odious affair that disrupted the delicate ecosystem of my backyard. I observed the two-leggeds from the sunroom window, my tail a metronome of irritation as they hammered and drilled, erecting this sprawling wooden monument to chaos. They called it a "playset." I called it an affront. It was a multi-leveled monstrosity of bridges, walls, and strange dangling appendages, clearly designed to attract the neighborhood's loudest and stickiest offspring. I watched them finish, pat each other on the back, and then I turned away, dismissing the entire enterprise as a vulgar waste of perfectly good lawn space. Then came the silence. The builders left, the sun began to set, and an eerie quiet fell over the yard. The structure loomed in the twilight, no longer a construction site but a silent, abandoned fortress. My skepticism warred with my profound need to investigate any and all new additions to my kingdom. With a sigh, I pushed through the cat flap. The air smelled of fresh-cut cedar, a scent I've always found agreeable. I approached the colossus, my paws silent on the cool grass. The ladder was for the graceless; I scaled the rock wall, my claws finding purchase in the divots, and arrived on the upper deck like a gray, tuxedoed ghost. The vantage point was, I must admit, magnificent. From the balcony of the "clubhouse," I commanded a view of three neighboring yards, a veritable king surveying his domain. I trotted across the wooden bridge, its slight sway a pleasant sensation beneath my paws. It was a perfect patrol route. I peered down the long, swooping curve of the 10-foot slide, a feature I had initially deemed ridiculous. For the sake of a thorough inspection, I nudged myself over the edge. The resulting rapid descent was a brief, undignified, yet undeniably thrilling blur of motion. I landed with perfect poise, of course, and immediately began grooming to restore my composure. This fortress, while built for barbarians, had its merits. It would serve as an excellent, multi-tiered royal lounge and watchtower. Provided, of course, that it was vacated by its intended occupants by dusk each day.