A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Ride-On Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Lead Review · From: First Ride On
Suspension Converts Pink Monstrosity into Royal Chariot
Forced into the passenger seat by a giggling toddler, Pete discovers that anti-slip seats, a soft start, and four-wheel suspension make the Bronco Raptor a perfectly serviceable mobile inspection platform.

My human has presented me with what appears to be a miniature, plastic land-yacht. They call it a "Licensed Ford Bronco Raptor," but I see it for what it is: a garishly pink, wheeled throne designed for the smaller, louder humans. Its primary purpose seems to be carting them around the domain at speeds that are frankly insulting to a creature of my agility.…

Continued on the story page →
Image of First Ride On 24V Ride on Toys for Big Kids, Licensed Ford Bronco Raptor 2 Seater Ride on Cars with Remote Control, Ride on Truck w/ 4-Wheeler Suspension, 3 Speeds, Led Lights, Bluetooth (24V, Pink)
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★★☆
A chariot worthy of my inspections.
More From The Desk
Image of Amazon Delivery Van Ride On Toy for Kids, Blue Toddler Ride on Toy for Ages 2+, Amazon Exclusive
Radio Flyer
They Bought the Child a Toy; I Got a Limousine

Ah, another plastic behemoth arrives, this one a garish blue imitation of the very delivery vans that bring my sustenance and, more importantly, my p…

★★★☆☆
Image of ACONEE Kids Ride on Tractor with Remote Control, 12V Battery Powered Electric Tractor and 35W Dual Motors for Kids Bluetooth Music/USB, 3-Gear-Shift, Safety Belt, 7-LED Lights, Blue
ACONEE
Field Commander Issues One Sharp Mrow; Tractor Halts

My human seems to have acquired a large, blue, plastic beast for the small, loud human. They call it a "tractor." From my analysis of its slow, lumbe…

★★★☆☆
Image of Step2 Whisper Ride II Buggy Kids Push Car, Ride On Toy, Stroller Substitute, Includes Seat Belt & Horn, Made of Durable Plastic, Max Weight 50 lbs., For Toddlers 1.5-4 Years Old, Blue
Step2
Whisper Wheels Win; the Horn Must Be Destroyed

So, my Human has wheeled in this... this contraption. A "Whisper Ride II Buggy" by Step2. I know the brand; they are the architects of the large, hol…

★★☆☆☆
Image of Radio Flyer Scoot 2 Scooter, Toddler Scooter or Ride On, for Ages 1-4, Red Ride On Toy
Radio Flyer
Ridiculous Vehicle; Exceptional Private Bank Vault

My human has procured a rather loud, bright red contraption, apparently for the small, shrieking human that has taken up residence here. From my obse…

★★★☆☆
Image of Best Choice Products 6V Kids Ride On Toy, 4-Wheeler Quad ATV Play Car w/ 1.8MPH Max Speed, Treaded Tires, Rubber Handles, Push-Button Accelerator - Hot Pink
One Nose-Press Launches a Mechanised Royal Procession

My human, in their infinite and often misguided wisdom, has presented a plastic contraption they call a "Ride On Toy." It is, to be blunt, an aggress…

★★★★☆
Other Desks In This Section
⬆ Up a level
About Pete Printed daily, ignored nightly Privacy Policy