A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The Extreme Wheels Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
Extreme Max
Squishy Orbs Repel Invasion, Become Sovereign Nap Thrones
★★★★☆
Simplay3
Momentum Tests on the Cityscape Side Yield Conditional Approval
★★★☆☆
AOWESM
Spinning ABEC-9 Bearing Opens Portal to Eternal Sunbeam
★★★★☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: Impact Battery
Every Warlord Needs a Throne; This One Is Rubber
Pete dismisses the Power Wheels replacement tire as inert junk, then uses its arc as a meditative portal to imagine himself as Hurricane, terror of the backyard trails.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

So, the human has presented me with... a wheel. Not a toy, mind you, but a single, gargantuan black ring of plastic intended for one of those miniature human vehicles that trundle about the lawn. I suppose the sheer scale is mildly impressive, and the deep treads might offer a unique texture for a good claw-sharpening session. The large hole in the center c…

Continued on the story page →
Image of J4394-2529 Replacement Wheel for Power Wheels Toy Vehicle Specifically for 12V Jeep Hurricane, Ford F-150 Extreme Pickup (1x Black, Hurricane)
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★☆☆
A conduit for conquest of the mind
From The Desk
Image of Traxxas 6774X 2.8 Black Chrome RXT Wheels with Talon Extreme Tires (2WD Rear)
Traxxas
Perfect Scratching-Moons Destined for the Demon Rustler

It appears the Human has acquired not a complete toy, but merely *components*. These are two oversized, aggressively textured rubber doughnuts on shiny black plastic rims, apparen…

★★☆☆☆ — Perfection in the present, treason ahead
More From The Desk
Image of Electric skateboard For Adults, 1500W Motor Self-Balancing Electric Unicycle, Top 22Mph & 25 Miles Range, Single Wheel Electric Scooter for Off-Road, City Commutes & Extreme Terrain (Black)
Generic
Generic Brand Unicycle Will Make a Fine Feline Throne

So, my human has presented me with this... object. It appears to be a preposterous single-wheeled contraption designed to transport a biped with far …

★★★☆☆
Image of Noahwood Fingerboard LongSpin Pro Wheel Finger Skateboard Extreme Sports Durable skid Wheels Strong Grip Handmade Outperform Polyurethane 7.62mm Twin Sheel White-Red Wheel
NOAHWOOD
Tiny Wheel Duel Yields a Transient Masterpiece of Spin

My human, in a baffling display of misplaced effort, has presented me not with a toy, but with *components*. These appear to be minuscule, precision-…

★★★★☆
Image of Hot Wheels Monster Trucks Set, 1 Toy Truck in 1:64 Scale & 1 Crushable Car, Vehicle Play for Kids & Collectors (Styles May Vary)
Hot Wheels
Crusher Car Skitters Beautifully; Big Truck Felled by Topography

So, my human has acquired yet another piece of colorful junk, this time a "Hot Wheels Monster Truck." It appears to be a small, heavy, metal effigy o…

★★☆☆☆
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