A pamphlet of feline opinion · est. mmxxv
Pete, the resident feline critic
The Pete Gazette
The School Desk Reviewed for kids & the grown-ups who shop for them Reviewed from the windowsill
Also Reviewed
Crayola
Pete Redesigns the Bowl; Human Fills It with Pate
★★★★☆
Crayola
Teal Tail Produces Abstract Masterwork; Memory Permanent
★★★☆☆
Crayola
Pete Subverts the Crayola Infiltration, One Cap at a Time
★★★☆☆
From the wires — the critic descends upon the next desk shortly. The toys have been warned.
Lead Review · From: Crayola
Canary Yellow Interrogated, Thirty-Five Suspects Remain
Our critic treats the colored pencil array as an enemy communications network, stress-tests one agent's rolling physics under claw, then beats a hasty, grooming retreat when cover is blown.
By Pete · Resident Feline Critic

So, the humans have acquired a box of what they call "Crayola Colored Pencils." From my superior vantage point on the back of the sofa, I observe these to be a collection of long, thin wooden sticks, each dipped in a different, offensively bright color. They are apparently "pre-sharpened," which means they possess pointy ends that could, in theory, provide …

Continued on the story page →
Image of Crayola Colored Pencils (36ct), Kids Pencil Set, Back to School Essentials, Must Have Classroom Supplies for Kids, Pre-Sharpened Coloring Book Pencils, 3+
Fig. 1 — the subject
Pete's Verdict
★★★☆☆
Acceptable agility test. Nothing more.
From The Desk
Image of Crayola Construction Paper - 480ct (2pck), Bulk Back to School Essentials For Kids, Teacher Classroom Must Have, Art Paper, Arts & Crafts Supplies
Crayola
Paper Army Dispatched; Pete Claims the Primary Pad

So, my human has acquired what appears to be a lifetime supply of thin, rigid surfaces. The "Crayola" brand name suggests this is yet another venture related to the small human's …

★★★★☆ — Worthy campaign. Kingdom secured.
More From The Desk
Image of 70 Pack Animal Erasers for Kids Bulk Desk Pets Classroom Prizes Treasure Box Toys for Classroom Supplies, 3D Puzzle Mini Erasers Pencil Eraser Back to School Supplies for Kids Party Favors (Random)
arscniek
Eraser Empire Seized After the Great Unbaggening

So, my human has presented me with a bulk bag of what they are calling "Animal Erasers" from a brand named "arscniek," which sounds like a sneeze. Th…

★★★★★
Image of Crayola Clicks Retractable Tip Marker Set for Kids (10ct), Markers For School, Long Lasting Coloring Book Supplies, No Dry, Back to School Essentials, 3+
Crayola
Click Mechanism Exposes the Marker's True Purpose

My human, in her infinite and baffling wisdom, has acquired a set of what appear to be plastic clicking sticks from a brand called Crayola. I vaguely…

★★★☆☆
Image of Crayola Ultra Clean Washable Markers for School (40ct), Essential Back to School Supplies for Kids, Coloring Book Marker Set, Teacher Classroom Supplies
Crayola
Pete Adds the Tunnel; Human Labels It on the Map

My human has, once again, acquired items not explicitly designed for my superior feline amusement. This time it's a box of forty colorful, scentless …

★★★★☆
Image of Crayola Broad Line Markers Classpack (256 Ct), Bulk School Supplies For Teachers, Kids Markers For School, Teacher Classroom Must Have Art Supplies
Crayola
Two Hundred and Fifty-Six Caps, One Perfect Cardboard Throne

My human, in a fit of what can only be described as profound misunderstanding of my needs, presented a colossal cardboard box from a brand called "Cr…

★★★☆☆
Image of KiNSMART KiNSFUN Yellow School Bus 5" Die Cast Metal Model Toy Car
Yellow Bus Earns Grudging Repeat-Chase Approval

My human seems to think a small, offensively yellow metal block on wheels is a suitable offering. I understand it is a "school bus," a die-cast model…

★★★☆☆
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